As of tomorrow I have been walking around without a boot for about two weeks. I feel like I’ve gone backward instead of forward. I can drive but its more painful than before surgery and frankly I’m not driving very much. My foot gets tired very easily and I have to take a lot of breaks or by 5 p.m. I’m just done walking for the day. Making dinner for my family of 5 seems to be the hardest task. I just can’t stand in front of the stove very long. We have had these beautiful breathtaking fall days and I just want to go hike or apple picking or pumpkin picking or walk the zoo, but I know I won’t make it very far. Overall it’s frustrating.
I didn’t expect this. I expected to feel better after surgery. I expected to do better after surgery. I didn’t anticipate a backward slide. I didn’t realize I would have to train my muscles to walk all over again. Things just aren’t working out according to my plan. Do things ever just not work out according to your plans?
I was told in therapy a long time ago that my expectations tend to be too high, for myself and for other people. That if I lowered my expectations my anxiety that occurred when things didn’t go my way would be less. But I’m still that girl of big expectations and I expected a big turnaround from God with this surgery. I admit I’m a little disappointed. And it’s shown, I’ve been grumpy and down all week.
So what do we do when we are disappointed? When our expectations of what we thought God would do or even of who He is is not met? When the things we don’t expect happen and they are the things of our nightmares? When cancer, death, heart attacks, divorce shakes our expectations of what our life looks like, what our God looks like. I can assure you your not abandoned. God is unchanging, He didn’t leave, He didn’t stop loving you and He doesn’t punish you. You my friend are about to be pruned a little and encouraged to grow a little. You see God uses these situations to transform us a little more into who he wants us to be.
When we become a Christian someone should tell us. Change your expectations. That verse, “2 Corinthians 5:7 “for we walk by faith, not by sight (living our lives in a manner consistent with our confident belief in God’s promises), we are of good courage and confident hope…” , honestly is basically saying that. If your walking by faith and the Holly Spirit your life is not going to go as you planned. Your not in charge anymore and it’s as wonderful as it is terrifying. We become outward examples with outward problems and God has us face them not to see what we will do but as someone told me recently, We will see what we do.
My expectations haven’t been met, but that’s okay. I believe in the end I’ll be in better shape. I can’t see it right now, but I have faith. Is there something that God is asking you to have more faith about?
My dad had cancer in his lymph nodes about 9 years ago. I was devastated and so afraid of loosing him. I felt like someone had taken the floor away from me and I was just falling. But God was good, and he was good to me. He provided another safe place for me to take my 2 year old daughter while I worked. I worked five minutes from my parents house so every lunch hour I was able to spend with them. I helped feed my dad who had a G-tube because he couldn’t swallow. God also answered our prayers and healed him. He has been cancer free since. My dad is not the same person, he’s more patient, kinder, more loving. He was always a good Dad but God used that time in our lives to change all of us for the better. My dad is a healthy man, never smoked or drank, we did not expect him to get sick. God is working in your hard places today too, in your broken expectations. A backward slide just means my journey’s not done yet.