Being Invited to Trust More

I have a date for my surgery, its Thursday.  The apprehension and fear of 6 to 8 weeks in a black bulky boot are becoming reality. I realized at church yesterday that when I’m worrying and thinking through how I’m going to do certain things I’m really not trusting God. I realized that as scary and as hard as this is God is just asking me to trust Him a little more than I already do. He’s also asking me to trust my husband, my kids, my parents and my friends who have offered to help.

That verse in Proverbs chapter 3, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, ” is something I have not been doing well. I have been trying to understand. Understand how I’ll get up and down my stairs, Understand how I’ll take a shower and other things, instead of just trusting that at the end of 8 weeks I’ll be healed.

I’ve asked for healing for so very long. I believe God can heal me I just was wanting a divine intervention and didn’t expect it to come dressed in surgery gowns. Marlo Schalesky says in her book Wrestling with Wonder, “God is whispering in our year, If there was another way to get you to where you need to be, I would have taken it. This is the only path.”

So I’m going the only path to get to where God wants me to be. That gives me some comfort. That he planned a path for me, put experiences in my life to ready me and has given me a clear place to go. He is a good Father. What path are you on that seems hard to walk? Do you feel God asking you to trust him more? Share in the comments below.

And We Wait…

I Will Wait On You, Poem by Kelly Mallasch 

The line doesn’t move, the clock doesn’t tick 

time feels wasted and you stand shifting your weight from foot to foot. 

You have somewhere to be, things to do, places to be, problems to solve, kids to feed, but the line doesn’t move

You stand there, silently waiting. Shopping cart perfectly lined up for unloading

Waiting is hard. 

You wait in line, in traffic, at the store, on your kids, on your husband, on your life, on your promise…until the weight of waiting tires you out, weighs you down

And you still have to wait

Waiting is hard

Your divine appointment hasn’t arrived yet. Your still pregnant with the thought of something big, life changing. The conversations you had with your heavenly Father sound a redundant when.

When will things change? when will I step into my purpose?, when will I heal? when will my life have meaning?  When will they see the big picture? When will I not be alone? When will this line move?

It changes to please, 

please just change things, 

please just heal me, 

please just…move.

And you still have to wait

Waiting is hard

It didn’t rain for 3 years and 6 months. He came and crouched down on the earth, put his hand between his knees and prayed. He then sent his servant to climb to the top of the fertile plain and look. Nothing, He looked again. He saw a blue sky and the waves of the sea.

He looked again, no clouds, a beautiful blue horizon. 

Four more times he walked to the edge and looked at the waves, the blue empty sky, nothing.

On the seventh time he saw it. A small puff of white the size of his hand coming up over the waves. He ran to his master and in a little while the sky grew dark.

How many times will you have to look?

Scanning the surface of your reality hoping for a change, even small.

How long will you hope, expect, anticipate?

Will it be long enough?

 

But those who wait for the Lord 

 Expect,

 look for,

 and hope 

 will gain new strength and renew their power, they will lift up their wings and rise up close to God like eagles ,rising toward the sun.

They will run and not become weary,

 They will walk and not grow tired.

I will wait on you Lord.

I still don’t have a date set for my foot surgery. I have been waiting, rather impatiently for a phone call this past week. This is a new kind of waiting for me. That date is surrounded in fears but I don’t know when it is. I know when I’d like it to be, but as I have to wait longer and longer for it I begin to doubt that it will happen in time. My stress level has been very high this past week as my mind wants to think about all the what if’s surrounding my surgery. There has definitely been a battle going on in my mind to stay calm.

So what do you do to get your mind off the “what if” train? The worry train. That’s something I’ve been studying for a while now. I haven’t come up with the “right” answer just tons of little ideas that all seem to work temporarily. Joyce Meyers says to speak allowed promises of God. She says in her book “Power Thoughts” When you are fearful to say, “I will not live in fear”.  Prayer helps, telling God my worries and then saying, “Ok I’m giving them to you, its yours ,” works too. But I can only derail the train temporarily so It has been a battle for me this past week to stay hopeful.

God does give us instructions on what to do while were waiting. Psalm 130:5 says in the Amplified Version, I wait (patiently) for the Lord, my soul (expectantly) waits, and in his word I do hope.” That sounds like Meyers saying to put your hope in God’s promises to me.

Psalms 27:14 says to wait in confidence and”let your heart take courage, Yes wait for and confidently expect the Lord.”  Lamentations 3:26 encourages us to wait quietly for the Lord. James 5:7 says to wait patiently for the Lord.

I get this picture of an unmovable place in which we are meant to sit and wait. One where worry and anxiety does not phase us just a peaceful, still place. But while were waiting our hearts need to take courage Psalms 27:14 says. So that makes me think that God knew that waiting was hard and that in that waiting we would be so tempted to worry and to have anxiety. So maybe your still and quiet on the outside, unmovable in the belief that God will come but on the inside you are having to “take courage.” Maybe it takes more courage to sit and be patient then to try to figure out how to end the waiting.

Waiting is definitely a time of testing, at least it is for me. I hope its God’s way of growing me a little more so that I am ready when the surgery comes. Do you struggle with waiting? What are some of the things you do to stay patient in the waiting? Leave your comments below.

Another Stop on My Journey

“I found out last week I need to have surgery on my foot. ” I think I’ve said to a handful of people. The anxiety and fear around it hasn’t changed though. I have struggled with nerve pain in my foot since I ruptured my back and had surgery in May of 2017. I’m limited in how far I can walk and drive. I started seeing a podiatrist around the beginning of this year and the previous visit he mentioned the possibility of surgery, this last visit it became a reality.

The funny thing is how God has prepared me for this. In 2006 I began working in a podiatry office  check-in and check-out  patients and coding the appointments. Where I worked had a program where you could attend weekend classes and be trained on the job to be a podiatry medical assistant. By my second year there I was a podiatry medical assistant. I had my license to take x-rays. I trimmed nails, unwrapped legs, pulled stitches and even got to sit in on a few surgeries and observe.  Although I am not familiar with the type of surgery that I am going to endure I knew the basic in and outs of what I have experienced so far. I had seen it so many times in the 2 and half years I worked for the podiatry clinic. So when the injections were helping but not solving my problem I wasn’t surprised that the doctor I’m seeing began talking about surgery.

I’ll say it, I’m scared. I’m going to spend my first few weeks non-weight bearing in a boot. I know what that foot is going to look like when the bandages come off week two, I used to be the one to unwrap the bandages. I remember how miserable some people were after surgery. That’s going to be me. I’m walking through my past as the patient and its scary.

But God has put on my heart multiple times this past week and today. “God is God and I am not.” I’ve heard him say, and ” I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” I truly do not have strength to do this alone but I’m trusting that when my surgery day comes He will give me the strength to walk through it with peace. The truth is God has ordained every thing that has happened in my life. Getting a job at a podiatry office was no accident. It did more than train me for the wonderful job I had for over 7 years at a pediatric doctors office. He was preparing me for this. He knew how scared I would be and that I would need to know what was coming so I could prepare.

My dear friend came over yesterday and we hobbled on my stairs with my crutches planning out how I’d get up and down the stairs and climbed in my bathtub to figure out how I’d take a shower. She was wonderful and the perfect person to help me because she had endured living in a boot for 8 weeks. I am so thankful for her and that she was able to calm my fears and help prepare me for what is ahead.

I have a lot to do, to get ready for this and I have to remember its not forever and God willing, I will walk better and be in far less pain once its all over. I can’t let fear stop me because I need to be physically better for the plans I know God has for me. He calls us to hard things but their good things too and in His strength we can do it. I hope this helps someone today. I hope you are reminded that you can do that hard thing if you ask God to help you.  Our worship pastor said something beautiful this weekend. He said “God loves you too much to leave you unchanged.” Change, growth these are hard things He calls us too, but they are also so good.

“But Perfect Love Drives Out Fear”

I’m working through a new type of fear as I’m sure all of you are too in the wake of a weekend of two mass shootings. It’s a fear that makes you want to stay in your house, with the door locked. Has you second guess every concert you want to attend, movie you want to see and now going to the local Walmart for groceries. I find this phrase go through my mind over and over this past weekend, “What brings a person to do that?” I mean I don’t understand how someone can wake up and begin to plan a mass shooting. Can plan to take so many lives. I really don’t.

Heartbroken is too small of a word for what I feel for all the families and friends of these victims and those who witnessed the shootings. I think there are no words big enough for such horrifying events as every shooting that has taken place and it seems to get worse and worse.  The “thank God its not me” approach is just not working because each time it seems to hit closer to home. The helpless attitude that is spreading throughout our country is growing and as my pastor said in prayer this Sunday our society has a ” heart condition that needs healing.” So today I’ve been mediating on this verse.

1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. NIV

Christians we are called to be salt and light. We can’t be paralyzed by this new fear or polarized by government propaganda. We can’t hate. We need to love each other and show love to each other. We need to commit to walk in love every day of our lives because we don’t know when and where were gonna meet someone who needs to feel love and right now there are more people in this country who need to feel it than who are carrying it.

So as we try to navigate this new kind of fear lets use it as jumping off point to be part of the solution and not the problem.  Lets walk out of our houses everyday showing love to everyone you meet. Because this life is too short and too precious to waste on anger or hate. I know I need to live like this because then at least I don’t feel helpless and the fear doesn’t win. I’m motivated to do something more than hug my family tighter. I don’t want to live in a world of fear, lets start changing it together.

 

 

God Always Has Good Plans for Us

My brother and me have been planning to go to the Children’s Museum of Indianapolis together all summer. Our families were finally were able to right before my membership expired this past weekend. While we were there I had an unexpected situation occur that could have caused the entire trip to be ruined but by the grace of God it wasn’t and we actually had a pretty good  visit.

We had only been at the children’s museum about 20 minutes. The kids had spent their time in the dinosaur exhibit, their favorite, and we were doing a bathroom break before heading up to the next exhibit. My brother had taken his two boys to the bathroom and since we were waiting, my husband and I went to sit down at a nearby bench. When I sat down my purse swung under me and I sat right on a pair of scissors I had left in my purse from my last sewing project.

The scissors went through the purse, through my pants and into my left thigh. I had instant pain. My husband thought I had hurt my back until he saw the blood seeping through my pants. I ran in the family bathroom and began applying pressure to the wound.  Thankfully it wasn’t very deep. My husband ran to get band aids or help. I was left in the bathroom. I began to pray and the bleeding slowed down. Soon my husband showed up with a band aid, but my pants looked ruined. I asked him to go to the gift shop and see if they had a dress or some shorts for sale. I started washing the pants out in the sink. Thankfully everything came out and I was left with very wet pants and no hand dryer in the bathroom.  So I prayed that my husband would find something. He returned with a dress and a over-sized shirt. I dawned the dress and found my brother who was taking care of all 4 kids. He had no idea what had happened. I was hurting but I smiled and said, we just have another story for the books. God had taken care of me, my husband had taken care of me and I was not going to let it ruin my day.

We stayed until the museum closed and the kids all had fun seeing the new Greece exhibit and playing a last time at the Paw Patrol exhibit. I don’t think the kids really even knew what happened they had such a good time. I was so thankful that we were able to get together. It just shows how God can turn any bad situation into something good if you let Him.

 

 

Preparing for Stressful Situations

School starts for my children next week. I have one starting kindergarten, one starting middle school and my oldest will be a freshman in high school. Were leaving later today for the old school supply shopping. I will say excitement and anxiety is quite high in the Mallasch house lately.

My oldest has stressed over her school schedule multiple times. Yesterday was a day of doors banging and arguing. I know things will work themselves out in the end but she doesn’t see that just yet.  My youngest who just turned 5 on Sunday told me twice he was “sad” and just wanted to stay home. My middle child is just really quiet, she’s usually quite talkative.

Unfortunately this change in schools is something we all just have to go through. There’s no real way around it. So how do you manage your anxiety when you are walking through the circumstance that is causing you pain?

A wise boss of mine once told me when I was in the midst of a stressful situation, “this too shall pass.” And she was right. So right I remember her advice but have forgotten the circumstance. Many times with my back when I was faced with another epidural I would remind myself that the side effects only lasted a week and I just had to get through that week.

Being prepared also helps. I am still fearful of driving more than 30 minutes at a time. A few months ago I wanted to go to see a play that was about 45 minutes away. I was talking to my therapist about it and told him I didn’t know what to do If I couldn’t keep driving. He said, you need a back up plan. What if you parked the car when you got to a point where you had pain and called an uber? Then when the play is over you can uber back to your car and drive the rest of the way home.  Having that back up plan of knowing that I could call and uber took away a great deal of anxiety that I had about driving. So sometimes preparing for a circumstance can alleviate the stress of it as well.

I find a lot of peace in God when I am in stressful situations. However, sometimes He allows us to go through a stressful situation multiple times in order to build up our character. Yesterday I had to get blood work done. Now I’m a hard stick. Most of the time I get poked more than once and success is in my hand or wrist not in my arm. I was not prepared to give blood yesterday. It was definitely a surprise situation. Normally when I know that I’m going to have to give blood I drink a lot of water and wear warmer clothes. Not the case yesterday. So I told the nurse that she had a challenge and asked for some water and prayed, Dear God please help her get it on the first stick. Well God didn’t answer that prayer so my prayer changed to just help her get what she needs. She got it on the second try, in my hand. There was a time when I would get really stressed out about being poked by a needle. I would dread it and make a big deal about it. But God has made me go though this enough times that I can have peace in it no matter how many times it takes.

Jesus promised His peace will always be with us. Sometimes we just have to surrender to the fact that we’re not in control of our situations, He is and there is peace in know that our Father will work it out. I hope I can relay that to my children today as we are getting our supplies and preparing for next week. I hope they see God is working it all out for their good too.

 

 

 

 

Karitos Worship Conference Creates New Opportunities for Young People

IMG-0947 (1)Sunday me and my daughters came home from the 25th Karitos Worship and Arts Conference. This year it was in Streator, Illinois about a 3 and a half hour drive for us. This conference is always a test of faith for me. In 2015 was the last time I went to the conference as an attendee. Since then I have gone as a volunteer in registration and in the past two years been an integral part of the Youth Track. So I went to work and work I did.

The whole weekend we met obstacle after obstacle but God provided. The conference took place this year at two churches. The Open Bible Church located in a old elementary school is where classes were held during the day and the Grace Assembly Church was where nightly worship took place. Both churches worked together graciously to  help the event run smoothly. Unfortunately a week before the event the air conditioning at the school no longer worked. It was a hot weekend. And we were faced with classes with no air. I was especially concerned with the children in my and my assistant Hannah Mwangi’s care that they would get over heated. One of my volunteers Lorraine was a God send. She was a resident of Streator so she went home and brought two more large fans for the youth room. Then after the second class of Hip Hop when my youth were dropping like flies in the hot room She went downstairs and got the concession stand to donate water for them. Zach Francis, the vice president of Karitos also went and purchased water so that we had some for the rest of the time. I was so thankful to both of them.

It was hot but now the heat was more bearable. I cheerfully told the youth to pretend they were at camp for the weekend.  God was actually planning with this water for another obstacle we would face Friday evening. The city came under a mandatory 48 hour boil alert. Had we not had that water for the youth they would have been in serious trouble under our care on Saturday. I am so thankful that God planned ahead.

I saw so many amazing things that God did for these young people over the weekend. One of the girls had ear pain. The worship pastor and a few others prayed and laid hands on her and she gave her testimony that night that the pain had left. Praise God!  Young people led worship with dancing and flags and one boy, who had grabbed my heart early on, climbed up on stage and danced with  Pastor Cory Ratliff Saturday night.

IMG-0944The main focus for the youth that weekend was freelance Spray paint artist Milton Coronardo who came to teach them how to spray paint and make their own art. The youth enjoyed learning how to spray paint and worked together to make their own murals on plywood. Coronardo also worked with the adults who created a beautiful butterfly mural for the Open Bible Church’s outreach ministry. IMG-0942

If you are someone who is artistic like me and is looking for a place that celebrates all forms of art in a christian way Karitos may be what your looking for. There are many events throughout the year in addition to the conference. There is also online classes offered in many different genres. I encourage you to go to  karitosnation.org and learn more about it. You can also check out last years blog about Katitos 2018 What is Karitos Worship and Arts Conference.