“I found out last week I need to have surgery on my foot. ” I think I’ve said to a handful of people. The anxiety and fear around it hasn’t changed though. I have struggled with nerve pain in my foot since I ruptured my back and had surgery in May of 2017. I’m limited in how far I can walk and drive. I started seeing a podiatrist around the beginning of this year and the previous visit he mentioned the possibility of surgery, this last visit it became a reality.
The funny thing is how God has prepared me for this. In 2006 I began working in a podiatry office check-in and check-out patients and coding the appointments. Where I worked had a program where you could attend weekend classes and be trained on the job to be a podiatry medical assistant. By my second year there I was a podiatry medical assistant. I had my license to take x-rays. I trimmed nails, unwrapped legs, pulled stitches and even got to sit in on a few surgeries and observe. Although I am not familiar with the type of surgery that I am going to endure I knew the basic in and outs of what I have experienced so far. I had seen it so many times in the 2 and half years I worked for the podiatry clinic. So when the injections were helping but not solving my problem I wasn’t surprised that the doctor I’m seeing began talking about surgery.
I’ll say it, I’m scared. I’m going to spend my first few weeks non-weight bearing in a boot. I know what that foot is going to look like when the bandages come off week two, I used to be the one to unwrap the bandages. I remember how miserable some people were after surgery. That’s going to be me. I’m walking through my past as the patient and its scary.
But God has put on my heart multiple times this past week and today. “God is God and I am not.” I’ve heard him say, and ” I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” I truly do not have strength to do this alone but I’m trusting that when my surgery day comes He will give me the strength to walk through it with peace. The truth is God has ordained every thing that has happened in my life. Getting a job at a podiatry office was no accident. It did more than train me for the wonderful job I had for over 7 years at a pediatric doctors office. He was preparing me for this. He knew how scared I would be and that I would need to know what was coming so I could prepare.
My dear friend came over yesterday and we hobbled on my stairs with my crutches planning out how I’d get up and down the stairs and climbed in my bathtub to figure out how I’d take a shower. She was wonderful and the perfect person to help me because she had endured living in a boot for 8 weeks. I am so thankful for her and that she was able to calm my fears and help prepare me for what is ahead.
I have a lot to do, to get ready for this and I have to remember its not forever and God willing, I will walk better and be in far less pain once its all over. I can’t let fear stop me because I need to be physically better for the plans I know God has for me. He calls us to hard things but their good things too and in His strength we can do it. I hope this helps someone today. I hope you are reminded that you can do that hard thing if you ask God to help you. Our worship pastor said something beautiful this weekend. He said “God loves you too much to leave you unchanged.” Change, growth these are hard things He calls us too, but they are also so good.