I had surgery on September 5. Today is September 16 and it is the first day I have been able to successfully sit at a computer and process it all. I was very afraid before the surgery of the after I am living in now. The day of the surgery is a blur but I remember God kept me calm on the way to the surgery. I started to panic once my IV was in and the doctor was kind enough to begin sedation before I became to upset.
Waking up from the surgery I cried, the nurse said it was the anesthesia but I remember the guilt I felt of not knowing the trial I was about to put my family through. That was 10 days ago and we have survived. My husband, David, has been wonderful caring for me and I have wonderful friends who have brought food, flowers and one who is willing to sit with me during the day so I’m not alone.
On my vision board there is a quote I cut out of a magazine, “Some battles are best fought with an army of friends.” and I feel like that is how this battle has been fought so far. I am so thankful for the friends and family God has surrounded me with.
It has been hard and a times stressful to sit in one place unable to get up and help, or solve a problem. I have a great understanding for someone who cannot get up and help, who is dependent on others to get around. It is hard to sit and face a feeling of helplessness even if it is just temporary. I am thankful I have a God I can pray to in those times and that he does solve the problems.
Tomorrow is my second doctor appointment and if all goes well I will be able to begin to walk on my foot with the help of a boot and crutches. Until now I have not been able to put weight on my foot. I’m praying all my stitches are still in tact and look good so that I can have this clearance. I have a rather large incision up my ankle and another between my big toe and second toe. Most of my pain is in my ankle although I do have nerve pain in my toes and foot at night right around bedtime.
The doctor said my nerve did not look good when he released it. He said most nerves are a shiny white, mine was a dull yellow and frayed in places. I refuse to be discouraged by this. I know my God can heal and now that the compression is off my nerves I am still asking for healing. Hopefully they will begin to slowly repair themselves.
A friend reminded me of a beautiful song my daughters danced to a few years ago at church. ” Beautiful things” by Shane & Shane. When I listened to it the first verse really got to me. I know God can take all this pain and make it into something beautiful in the end.